Before reading this please know that I do adore my kids and I love being a mom. I feel incredibly grateful that I have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom (SAHM). I know that many families can not afford for one parent to stay home and I do believe that this is one of the best things I can do for my children.
Okay now that we are past that little disclaimer, here's what is really on my mind... I woke up yesterday just not wanting to be a mom. To add to it, Fridays are also one of the days that I care for a friend's two boys in my home. So I knew that I would be performing mommy duties for 4 kids that day. I don't mean that I didn't want my children, just that I wanted a day off. A day off from motherhood as well as from childcare provider. I guess if I was employed outside the home I would have just given myself the TGIF pep talk and hauled my butt to work. However for a SAHM weekends are not equal to off time so Fridays don't have quite the same meaning. There are no vacation days. And there is definitely no calling in sick.
Don't get me wrong, I know that there are many benefits to being a SAHM. You don't have a set schedule. You get the grocery store pretty much to yourself at 9 am. You can hang out with other SAHMs anytime you please. If timed properly you can even catch the occasional 20 minute snooze while the young ones are napping. And most importantly, you don't miss a moment of your child's life (the good and the bad) because you are around them 24/7.
However with my childcare provider duties, I find myself somewhere in the middle. It's like I still get some of the benefits of a SAHM...time with my kids, some freedom even if it is with 3 or 4 children in tow, and time spent with friends. But as much as I love the boys I care for, some days it is like having job without the benefits of employment outside the home. I don't have the adult time without half my mind tuned into the children's well being. I don't have any accomplishments that feel like mine alone. I don't get the occasional lunch out without any fussy young eaters. I am somewhat stuck to a schedule. I don't feel like I have much to talk about when the day is over. And there is still no such thing as time off.
This has all left me longing for grandparents who live closer so I could get some guiltless alone time. What would I do with that time? Maybe rediscover who I am. I know I must have an alternate identity to Mommy or Miss Heather. Right now I just can't remember what that is.
Just some general thoughts and whining from a somewhat SAHM.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
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3 comments:
Honey,
I remember feeling these same things when we lived in Medicine Bow and I didn't work. I loved being able to stay home with you girls, but did miss being able to go to work. (I didn't have such a cute name for it though!). Anyway, just letting you know that I think your feelings are very understandable and shared by many other SAHM's - your just being honest about them. Now, looking back on those days - I can truly say they were some of the best I ever had. Enjoy them while you can. I wish we lived closer too, as we would love to give you a day off and have the kids to ourselves. :-) Glad to see the great pictures of the kids and dogs and here about your wonderful weekend too!
Love, Mom
Sorry I don't look at your postings more often. I need to start making it apart of my day.
Hey, any of us who have been SAHM's know exactly what you are talking about. Good for you for being so honest! Sometimes that is all we need to do (verbalize it) to feel better.
Having such a hard time letting all of my children go has made me feel extra blessed to have been a part of that group called SAHM's. It has gone by far quicker than I thought and I must admit I wished far too many of those days away.
I am convinced that life can hand us different challenges and it is just how we deal with them. Sometimes we are better at it than others and that is ok. The joy is in the journey.
I like your mom would love to have you closer. I would love to play mom again! Debra
Heather back when... I once told Uncle Bruce "no, no" and tried to cut up his meat for him. It didn't take him long to realize I needed some more adult time in my life. hehe Hang in there--every minute of it is worth it believe me! I work everyday with children who never have home time or parents who give them much time in a day much less a weekend and believe me these children are needy and are lost little soles. Your children will always treasure their time with you and their Daddy. Love and miss you Hon, Aunt Cheryl
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